From the book: HELP my kids are hurting

The deepest hurts most kids feel is relational

Neither the chaos of adolescent transitions nor the bizarre circumstances in which kids often find themselves are what wounds kids the most. No, the deepest wounds happen when the people they count on fail to honor that extended trust. When a person who is supposed to provide safety and support walks away and leaves kids on their own, they feel most deeply hurt. We are talking about abandonment—relational, emotional, and at times even physical abandonment. This generation has been left to care for itself. Unfortunately, the deepest betrayal of trust kids experience is often family based. And even more upsetting, in too many cases a kid loses his relationship with his dad. Kids need people in their lives whom they can count on—no matter what. In the absence of trustworthy people, they’re often left to do whatever they must in order to survive. That can lead to all kinds of destructive and dangerous choices.

Weekly Bulletin

Question: What does a parent do if they have a very shy boy?

According to the New York Longitudinal Study, approximately 15 per cent of babies are somewhat quiet and passive in the nursery. That feature of their temperaments tends to be persistent throughout childhood and beyond. They may be very spontaneous or funny when they are comfortable at home. When they are with strangers, however their tongues are trust into their cheeks and they don’t know what to say. Some kids are like this because they have been hurt or rejected in the past. The more likely explanation is that they were born that way.

Here is Dr. Dobson’s answer:
My advice to you is to go with the flow. Accept your child just the way he is made. Then look for those special qualities that give your boy individuality and potential. Nurture him. Cultivate him. And then give him time to develop into his own unique personality like no other human being on earth.

From the book, “Bringing Up Boys”

Boys & Girls

Canadian psychologist Barbara Morrongiello studied the different ways boys and girls think about risky behavior. Females, she said, tend to think hard about whether or not they could get hurt, and they are less likely to plunge ahead if there is any potential for injury. Boys, however, will take a chance if they think the danger is worth the risk. Impressing their friends (and eventually girls) is usually considered worth the risk. Morrongiello shared a story about a mother whose son climbed on the garage roof to retrieve a ball. When she asked him if he realized he could fall, he said, “Well, I might not.”

A related study by Licette Peterson confirmed that girls are more fearful than boys are. For example, they brake sooner when riding their bikes. They react more negatively to pain and try not to make the same mistake twice. Boys, on the other hand, are slower to learn from calamities. They tend to think that their injuries were caused by “bad luck.” Maybe their luck will be better next time. Besides, scars are cool.

Dr Dobson tells a story of his own childhood

his book, “Bringing up Boys,” I mixed some bright blue chemicals in a test tube and corked it tightly. Then I began heating the substance with a Bunsen burner. Very soon, the thing exploded. My parents had just finished painting the ceiling of my room a stark white. It was soon decorated with the most beautiful blue stuff, which remained splattered there for years.