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Parenting Insight You Can Use Now
Many parents use a simple behavior modification approach to raise their children. If you get your homework done, then you can go out and play. If you clean your room, then you can watch a video.
Unfortunately children trained this way often develop a What's in it for me? mentality. If I don't get something out of it, why should I obey?
God is concerned with more than behavior. He's interested in the heart. The heart contains motivations, emotions, convictions, and values. A heart-based approach to parenting looks deeper. Parents still require children to finish their homework and clean up their rooms but it's the inner motivation and character that they're addressing.
A heart-based approach shares values and reasons behind rules. It requires more dialogue, helping children understand how their hearts are resistant and need to develop cooperation. A heart-based approach is firm but also relational. It's a mindset on the part of parents that looks for heart moments that then bring about significant change.
As you consider your children, remember the words that God said to Samuel, Man looks at the outward appearance but the Lord looks on the heart.
This concept is explained more fully of the book, Parenting is Heart Work, by Dr. Scott Turansky