When your child is mad

In his book, When Kids Are Mad, Not Bad, Henry A. Paul , M.D. describes the kind of anger exhibited as developmental anger - anger that aids infants in getting their basic needs met.

I often tell new parents that it's not possible to spoil an infant. I believe that. An infant cries and gets angry because of an unmet need: hunger, uncomfortable, too hot or cold, over stimulated, feeling isolated, experiencing an upset stomach or dirty diaper or just needs to be held.

I had to laugh at an episode of My Wife and Kids. The baby wouldn't stop crying. Michael would take the crying baby into another room and return with a content baby. He wouldn't tell his secret until the end. Then we found out that Michael just helped the little one pass gas.

As a child turns two a frustrated toddler could reach "shake factor #10". Imagine seeing the older kids and the dog doing things and wanting to do it only to be told NO. Studies have show that a toddler can understand hundreds of words before being able to speak. Imagine again knowing all these words and not able to express yourself?

Instead of seeing these cases of anger as negative, a parent can view it as growth. In the first case with infants it's important to meet the child's need immediately, even in the middle of the night. As for toddlers a parent should not take the role of problem solver. That is an endless job. Remember that it isn't your fault and it's normal. It's a part of your child learning to master his world.