Snippets: Writing in Deep Point of View

For clarification, POV is Point of View and POVc is Point of View Character.

In order to stay inside the POVc’s head, nothing in a scene can be presented outside that character’s awareness. Only write what the character knows. Now.

Here is an example of author intrusion: (The narrative distance when writers insert an invisible narrator between the POVc and the reader.)

Mark wished he could change his past and redo the last several years.

Without the narrator: It’s sad life can't reboot and start over.

The story should be immediate.

Here is an example from Night to Knight by Randy Tramp:

Brenda stopped and let out a blood-curdling scream. Mark attempted to place his hand over her mouth, but she had moved down the stairs. A door opened, a man exited, and a light shined.

The Man pulled out a gun.“Stop.”
Mark froze, then jumped over Brenda knocking her down and The Man to the floor. The gun fell out of his hand. Mark wrestled the guy, turning him on his stomach and punching him several times. That should do it.

The Man squeezed out,“Shoot.”

Apparently not. Mark punched the guy again, silencing him.

Brenda pointed the gun in his direction.

Mark held out his hand.“Give me the gun.”

Brenda’s hands shook, lines formed on her forehead, her eyes narrowed. Extending the gun toward Mark, another door opened, causing her to turn.

Mark stretched further. “Hand me the gun, now.”

A shot sounded. Mark jumped toward Brenda, knocking her to the floor. He covered her with his body. Mark reached for the gun, palmed it, and fired at two men. They ducked behind the door.

The reader is inside Mark’s head while the action is going on. This scene is immediate, and his thoughts are included. “That should do it.” And “Apparently not.” You can see there is no long string of internal monolog. Thoughts and actions go together.

Tweetable: Examples of Writing in Deep Point of View Click to Tweet

Randy Tramp

Amazon Review:

It's a military thriller with a heart. Commander Mark Steele has an exciting job in Special Forces. Though it's dangerous, he knows his work is critically important. But that job separates him from his wife and child. When an injury brings him home, his wife is glad to have him back. But other issues cause struggles within the family, leading to distrust and hurt. Steele takes dangerous risks in his new work. The thriller plot thickens, as he seeks to save a life. But can he save his family?

Purchase: E-Book Book

Join me on my other sites:
Snippets
Write Away
Book Reviews