The Independent Years

From the Book, “Postmodern Children’s Ministry

The Independent Years

As children grow out of infancy and into the toddler years, they begin to eagerly explore the world. This innate curiosity joins with their burgeoning physical and intellectual abilities to push them into the next stage or crises, Autonomy vs Shame and Doubt. As he grows increasingly independent of his parents, the toddler’s battle cries become, “Me do it” and “No.”. For a child to successfully navigate this crisis, he must come to feel good about his newfound ability to master tasks like getting dressed, using the toilet, and feeding himself rather than feel ashamed or unsure of his ability to learn and execute new and necessary skills. Adults who praise and celebrate the child age-appropriate attempts at independence help him build a sense of competency. The parent who stifles or belittles a toddler’s attempts at independence will cast the pall of shame and doubt over the child’s efforts at conquering his little piece of the world.
Because a toddler’s desire for independence often runs headlong into his parents’ desire to keep him safe, healthy, and dressed, these are the years when discipline becomes an issue. The way a child is disciplined has a tremendous impact on this crisis of autonomy. The parent who expects behavior beyond the child’s developmental ability or offers harsh punishment of misbehavior can damage the child’s spirit and cause the child to lose confidence. The parent who sets appropriate and consistent expectations for a child’s behavior and who follows up with appropriate, loving, and consistent consequences helps a child develop a sense of accomplishment.

Preschoolers & the Bible

Preschoolers & the Bible


One aspect of telling preschoolers of God is in using the bible with them. Preschoolers need to sense that the Bible is a special book. They need to see adults using the Bible in their daily lives. Preschoolers need to have opportunities to hold the Bible and turn the pages as they see the printed words. Teachers can use the Bible by showing a preschooler a verse and saying, “This is where the Bible says that God loves me.” Hold the Bible in your lap or within reach of preschoolers. Show how to handle the Bible in a careful manner. Express to the child that the Bible is a special book.

As the preschoolers attention span grows, he is able to listen to the stories of the Bible. Telling these stories is a way of sharing the biblical message with preschoolers. Bruce Powers lists telling and retelling the biblical story as a basic action in passing on faith. The Bible tells of God and His Son, Jesus. It tells of His creation and His works in the world. The Bible depicts our rich heritage of those who have gone before us in faith in God. Young children need to hear these stories over and over again.
From the book: The Hurt that they Feel.

Victorious Living

Victorious Living
We have launched the KIDS in Victory series and focused on helping the children understand that we truly share in Christ’s victory. It’s easy to say, yet it’s a subject that adults grapple with too. Often, our daily situations and pressures pull us down and make us feel defeated. We can go from a Sunday sermon, walking in the victory that Christ won for us, to a crushing Monday-morning drive, pondering the load we carry.
Nonetheless, we do share Christ’s victory. We fully share in His victory whether we feel it or not. It’s our responsibility to walk it out. Can you imagine an Olympic athlete winning a gold medal and then being too discouraged to walk forward and accept his award? Our place is with Christ in the victory circle. He went to the cross, paid for the sins of mankind and has won the victory over death and Satan. Moving ourselves into the victory circle is a matter of growing in faith; what you believe does make a difference.
Victorious living is putting our faith into action and overcoming doubt, as Thomas did.
Do you need proof today? Reach out to Jesus. Put you life in His hands, and allow Him to help you walk in victory.

Dee Dah Day Dance

Dee Dah Day


John Ortberg writes about his children.
Sometime ago I was giving a bath to our very young children. Johnny was still in the bath tub and Laura was in her pajamas. Mallory was out of the water, but was doing what has come to be known in our family as the Dee Dah Day dance.

On this particular occasion, John was irritated. “Mallory, hurry!” John prodded. So she did—she began running in circles faster and faster and chanting “dee dah day” more rapidly. “No, Mallory, that’s not what I mean! Stop with the dee dah day stuff, and get over here so I can dry you off. Hurry!”

Then she asked a profound question: “Why?”

John had no answer. I had nowhere to go, nothing to do, no meeting to attend, no sermons to write. I was just so used to hurrying, so preoccupied with my own little agenda, so trapped in this rut of moving from one task to another, that here was life, here was joy, here was an invitation to the dance right in front of me—and I was missing it.

So I got up, and Mallory and I did the Dee Dah Day dance together.

Personal note: Next time the Dee Dah Day dance presents itself, let dance with all our might. Lets slow down and enjoy our children.

Why not to mess with Kids

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.”

The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.”
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the little girl said, “They will in a minute.”

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Parenting Insight You Can Use Now
Many parents use a simple behavior modification approach to raise their children. If you get your homework done, then you can go out and play. If you clean your room, then you can watch a video.
Unfortunately children trained this way often develop a What's in it for me? mentality. If I don't get something out of it, why should I obey?
God is concerned with more than behavior. He's interested in the heart. The heart contains motivations, emotions, convictions, and values. A heart-based approach to parenting looks deeper. Parents still require children to finish their homework and clean up their rooms but it's the inner motivation and character that they're addressing.
A heart-based approach shares values and reasons behind rules. It requires more dialogue, helping children understand how their hearts are resistant and need to develop cooperation. A heart-based approach is firm but also relational. It's a mindset on the part of parents that looks for heart moments that then bring about significant change.
As you consider your children, remember the words that God said to Samuel, Man looks at the outward appearance but the Lord looks on the heart.
This concept is explained more fully of the book, Parenting is Heart Work, by Dr. Scott Turansky

Mom of the Bible

JOCHEBED
Mother of Aaron, Moses, and Miriam
If there was ever a mom whose life would have made a great screenplay for a Lifetime for Women movie it would be Jochebed. You just have to give it up for her and the midwives who, in their act of civil disobedience, allowed Moses to be born. Those midwives, when asked by the pharaoh why they were not killing the boy babies as commanded, replied that the Hebrew women were “too vigorous” and popped those babies out before they could get there! Thus baby Moses was born but had to be sent down the river (literally) with his sister serving as lookout, only to be pulled out of the water by the pharaoh’s daughter, who secured the services of Moses’ biological mom to nanny him. Talk about movie script material! Oh wait. They’ve already done that. Anyway, Moses’ mom shows us that the determination and ingenuity of a desperate mother can result in surprising circumstances. Oh, the places you’ll go!
By Anita Renfroe

Reason Why Not to Mess with Kids

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.The little girl said, When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah.The teacher asked, What if Jonah went to hell?The little girl replied, Then you ask him.